Not so crabby today

Yesterday I just couldn’t push any further. Had to go home from class early. My mind is not there, my bones ache and all I could think of was that it was going to get dark soon and I was going to be cold. Cold to the bone. Today I was thinking, what would I do without my electric blanket this year. It really has helped during this weird Taxol side effects. Plus, my thing 1 hurts. It happened before as well. I am not sure why. My stomach muscle that is pulled seems to hurt during this time. Also, I start to walk hunched over again. Urgh – that is really irritating.

I was doing something today and heard the birds. Sounds strange that I say that I know, but what I mean is that I heard the birds. Not just background noise. Next time you are out – listen to the birds. There is nothing like it – being in tune with those little birds. It really is just being in tune to what you want, and taking the time to realize what you hear. Enough of that.

I have been bad about taking pictures. Maybe I can get a few uploaded soon. The 5 eyelashes I have left will be gone soon. I just know. My head hurts, I should say the stubble of hair hurts – strange. I ran into this lady yesterday at the little café that I go to. Here is how it went. I had to do some homework and also wanted to stop and get something to eat before I went to school. I walked into the café, ordered my bagel and tea, and went to sit down. This lady in the corner (small coffee shop) perked up and bluntly asked if I was going through chemo. Yes I said – as I took off my sweatshirt, and had to take off my hat to do that – and she pulled off her little hat to show me her short hair. So, she told me her story. She is in remission and when thru chemo and now is dealing with how to deal with cancer. Here is the story and the nugget that is important. She is 70 years old. At the age of 30 she got a nursing degree and said that every 5 years she would re-evaluate her life, professionally. Guess what, at the age of 70, she did not have the option to “re-evaluate” and change. She had to deal with her cancer first. Stop working. Now she does not have anything to do. Except to think about how to deal with cancer. Interesting. The reason why I stopped at the café, the reason why she was there, was a reminder for me, sometimes you cannot re-evaluate on your terms. It is on another term(s) and please – don’t read anything into that other than what I mean – things happen. Wild stuff. She was on her way to get a facial and hair cut. Good for her I say and I really wish the best. I felt bad for her – she was lost. Maybe I’ll see her again.