Words for the day

You know you have let down the readers if you get an email asking where you have been.....Oh if I could only open my brain and show you the wonderful places it has taken me over the last week. I am sounding like Timothy Mcleary - was that his name no....what the heck was his name that LSD guy? And speaking of that. I never passed on a little tidbit that Michelle shared with me. Ted.com and then there is a link to the speaker that had a stoke. It will move you - take 18 minutes of your life and feel the power of the speaker. I shared that with my class tonight as well - thanks for the great tip! My wish for them is that they pass it on as well. I have been listening to the different topics late a night - my little "pep" talk when I just can't go any further with my class work. So, it is all coming down to the last week. I have one more homework, finalize one paper - but the majority of the work is done. I survived.

I hardest assignment was the autobiography. Never being asked to do one, after studying the theory of transformational learning, was powerful. I left the class in awe of how all of us hold on to special things and all of us have demons of some sort. It is amazing where this semester has gone. Although I am really pushing it at this point, it feels good.

There are two thoughts on my mind. Cancer retreat and crosses. We went on a cancer retreat this weekend. This is a wonderful program that allows families to travel to Glorietta (15 miles n of Santa Fe) and spend the weekend. Free of cost. They pick up the meals and lodging. It is at a huge retreat center. It also happens to be a Baptist retreat center. Now everyone (well not everyone) wonders - was the retreat a church thing. No is the answer. But, I do have to say that it was strange. There were crosses everywhere, there were reminders of the bible every where. Then, in my crazy mind, I thought - oh my God - no no no no - oh my - this "campus" could be the same size as the Mormon Sect. Then my mind kept going - there are generations of females that know nothing other than that "area" and what they were told. Ok - that was my moment of strangeness - I am back.

I learned some wonderful things at this re-treat. I also learned that my entire family can nap together and enjoy it! Then, the 24 hour flu bug hit. Hard. So hard we went home early. I got so sick on Saturday night, I was so cold, I just could not stand it. When Chris offered to drive home I did not miss a heartbeat - we went. The whole time I went through Chemo - never did I barf - and here I was at this retreat and it got really barfy!

Note to self - if you get cold and have to have an electric blanket at home, and you travel to a hotel by car - bring your electronic blanket.

Speaking of cold, I am finally walking out of the house without my spring jacket that is lined, now just a sweater. I still have my scarf for a neck wrap - it is cold behind my head. I need to take a picture of my head. Looks like the fuzz is in and the other will soon follow. Maybe another month or so I can stop wearing the head things out in public.

I am taking my tired butt to bed. More fun in the morning, and oh - even more giggles in the afternoon when I get fitted for my compression sleeve. Now, what a party that will be!

Until I write again, peace be with you.

What a wonderful spring we are having here. Gosh, the sun feels so great. Funny thing is that I am still toting around my fleece as I get really cold. Mostly, my neck where it used to be shielded by my hair. And speaking of spring, on campus you know that everyone is thinking that it is summer, dressing in their shorts. I am still getting hot coffee and they are getting iced coffee.

The thing that really sucks is that I am tired. So tired that on Sunday I came home from church and just went to bed. Crossed my fingers that Lilli went out in the living room with her daddy. She did and they spent some time together. The other odd thing is that I have these night sweats. Is it from the herceptin I wonder. The last few days really bad.

The stress of the semester is upon me. I keep going back to one thing at a time. Just sit down and do it. It took me 2 days to do stats homework....got it done and then realized I plugged in a wrong number at the top - so the rest of the results and my answers are wrong throughout. GEEZZZZZZZ - I just can't stand to work on it tonight - so I'll re-do it in the morning.

Has anyone tried second life online? I am doing a class project around it and will be online over the next two nights. It is interesting.

Signed up for the summer and fall classes. Some that look really good. Can't wait!

Here is a thought that I have been meaning to write about - at least I don't think I have written this - helicopters. Are they good or bad - what is your thought when you hear this and they are landing or taking off from the hospital roof. I think, in a split second someones life is going to change. Good or bad. When I hear that sound it makes me step back and think.

Speaking of sounds. Sunday the whoosh whoosh whoosh was back - a balloon over head. I love that sound. OK - time to scoot. Let me see if I can go to sleep.
Peace be with you.

Friday night - woohoo

It is Friday night - just 10p.m. and I am so tired. I am reminded that I am so thankful I don't have my stomach issues I used to have when I was doing that nasty chemo stuff! I remember sitting in class just thinking about how bad my stomach was exploding.

So, I have a lead on this internship/job and thought it was just for the summer. Then, I think that it is for the year. I don't know if I can do both school and this internship thing. Goodness. We shall see.

A strange thing, I think when I get tired I get a pull on my left side. It is like a hand grabbing me and pulling. Very strange!

OK. Time to go to bed.
Peace to all.

Hair

I am so tired

- but I want to post my weekly hair before it becomes "monthly". Can you see the fuzz - don't know if that is my baby hair or real hair. Where are the eyelashes? Hopefully they are on their way too!

Look out - I am stinky

I can't figure it out. I read something a while back on someone Else's blog that the herceptin would make them smell. I think so. Not sure. But for some reason I smell odd. Don't laugh - OK - go ahead have a chuckle. Jeez, if it is not one thing it is another. I did get some Biotin for my hair growth. Can't hurt! I also got all set up with my physical therapy at the end of the month. And, I have to get that sleeve for my arm. I am planning that trip in June and my fellow chemo people cautioned me about the arm sleeve.

I need to upload some 6 month pics. Seems as if things are really coming along. It is amazing how I am used to my body parts the way now. Speaking of that - I have to tell a funny story. Now, this comes from someone that has always "stuck out" in a crowd due to my red hair. Now I stick out because of no hair! I was in Albertsons the other day and I was just going down the bake goods aisle, this lady looked at me like - don't I know you? So I kinda smiled and she blurted out - "are you going thru chemo" she just could not wait to talk to me. So, I told her that I was done with the bad stuff and still have some time to go with the other. She went on to tell me that she had ovarian cancer and that the chemo went into a port right into her ovaries and one up in the heart area. Too much information. Did I look like I wanted to share that day? Show and tell. I don't know. She said that she admired anyone being able to just wear a cap, she could never do that. Well, then, what is/was she covering up I wonder. To each their own. So, we bid farewell and best of luck. I secretly looked over my shoulder to see what way she turned to go to the next aisle, and then went the other way. There are just times in which I want to forget. Shopping is one of those times. Especially, shopping without Lilli in tow.

I had some random thoughts today. Today someone was told that they have cancer and tonight are working through the details. They maybe online right now researching. Today someone was told that they were pregnant after a invitro transfer. And, that someone is now just not believing that they are finally pregnant. It is a surreal feeling. Those two people have something in common, feelings of what next. Although so different, it is the same. I talk about frame of reference so often, in both of the cases, it is the lack of experiences that give those two people the similar feelings and most likely emotions.

I also keep thinking about that guy that went thru orientation at the cancer center with me. I remember talking about ginger and he said that his partner made the "best" ginger ice cream. Well, how does that ginger ice cream taste now. I hope OK, but it may not. Like my chocolate covered Altoids.

Something new for me. How is your health. Mine is great - oops - I forgot - a small thing that I have or do I say had breast cancer. I say this because there was a flier for the Fulbright study program. There is an informational meeting. Could that be a blast or what. So, I thought I would apply. Then, there is one condition - must be in good health. What the hell does that mean? So, I am going on Monday to just see what it is about. What a dream that would be - studying organizational learning or teaching in a different country.

I found this amazing website and thought of my friend. She is an artist trapped in a hoteliers body. Meaning - she would be a great teacher - art therapy - and hopefully someday she can do that. Remember that gal that just went to India - same person! Here is the website that I thought was really neat: http://www.touchdrawing.com/

Well, time to go to bed. Gotta get up early for my infusion - then in the afternoon I need to learn about Second Life - online gaming. Cool stuff and I can't wait. it is crunch time - I have several papers due over the next few weeks. Not to mention my favorite - Stats -YUCK - homework. Before I know it - it will be May and classes will be done. I have a couple weeks break then on to the summer. I'll take 2 classes, and yes, one is going to be stats - qualitative - so I hope that I can get through that with a little more ease that this quantitative. Oh, I am thinking about taking a class called "Wisdom". This gal interviewed all of these people that she classified as "wise" and is an expert in that area. Fascinating. Not that it would be my cup of tea for a dissertation, but I think it is cool and I could apply it to my field of study for sure. I still have my blanket on full blast as it is really cold. Both cats are curled up, purring and happy as can be that I decided to come to bed and update my blog.

Have a good day - and peace be with you.
Ali

Random thought

I have uploaded another tea pic - my great friend from HS joined the tea party too!
Do you recall the question about how did your hair fall out. Well, now I can tell you. I have experienced it. How about, how does your hair grow back? Don't know - not sure. I have fuzz - can you see it? I'll try to get a picture each week posted here. Just to see the progress. Then, maybe I'll put it together at the end as a flip book - you know those that you flip with your thumb and it goes (or grows) fast. Do you see, I still have a few eye brows left. Can you believe! And, the few I have left are wacky.

I went to the Dr. last week. Nothing new or exciting. At least no surprises. No more bad chemo. I just have the herceptin left. Not sure how many - but I'll do it every 3 weeks on Friday. Sticking to the morning so I can get it over with and then take a rest afterwards. I also let him know that I get really tired in the afternoon, guess that is normal. And, he said it'll take another 6 months to get back to "normal". The bad thing about feeling good is that I am now free to eat and drink anything. Not good for the waist line nor the "tummy tuck". So, I am going to go to this place, like physical therapy, they will help me get on a plan to not hurt the stomach muscle and not get tired. Who knows, can't hurt.

I have been thinking about givers and takers. I know that I have talked about that earlier, but there are both people in the world. My question, do givers know how to take and then to give back and do takers know how to give and then back to take. Does that make sense? I know that I am a giver - yet- had to take. But I don't want to cross the line to a taker. Oh just thoughts.

Tonight we went to our neighbors house for a BBQ. Late notice, but it was fun. It is great to live in a neighborhood that we can all sit around and have a drink and bite together. It was almost a bite from a dog too! Lilli is the only kid, and the dog just did not know how to handle her. And, I don't like those darn dogs that you just don't know if they are going to snap. Oh well. So, we are the only ones in the area without a dog but we are also the only one with a child. How funny is that.

So happy that the air is now filled with warmth. At least in the afternoons. I can't wait for the summer. Have to say, I like the heat better than being cold. And especially this winter. Bone cold. Speaking of that, I have to bring in the plants tonight. Geez, I am going to plant them one of these days!

A new week. I am happy. Each week that goes by the closer I am to getting down with the semester. Four papers to go, one final exam for stats. I'll be a happy camper! Here is a funny. Just when I think my mind is back, I do something spacey and stupid. I made brownies for the BBQ. I did some kick brownies, even put little chocolate kisses in there, and then 5 minutes later, I realized that I forgot the oil. There it was, sitting in the measuring cup on the counter. Out came the brownies out of the oven, back in the mixing bowl, in went the oil back in went the brownies. They tasted OK. I just have to laugh, where did my brain go! Speaking of going, time to go to sleep.