Hair is really coming in

Ignore the scratch on my face, some funny little child put it there!!! I started my intern job this week and went looking like this.

I tend to wear more eye makeup - as I have said before - I love my lashes! I also usually wear a bit of cheek color - which I have not in a while.

I am feeling better - going to PT two times a week. Still no nose piercing...next week.
I have to close this one early - heading out of town for a conference and need to get some sleep!

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Have just a few minutes and thought I would get an update in. Had my Herceptin on Friday. When through the weekend getting it out of my system. No side effects really. My hair is coming in. I took a picture of it - and will upload a bit later.

Something occurred to me. When you are told that someone has "cancer" what do you think. I now think it is funny (ha ha) that when I am told that someone has cancer my first reaction is oh no. Not, it will be OK. Not, I have it too. Isn't that strange? I think so.

OK. More later. I am attending an all day city meeting - new employee orientation. I find it refreshingly strange!!!! Like I said, more about that later.

Peace be with you.

hair hair hair

I have a couple of pics of my hair. And, I am so disappointed - I did not do my nose today. I am going to hopefully do it on Sat or Monday. Mary was in meetings all day and then I am booked all day tomorrow.

Here is something that you may have not thought of for a while. Boogers - is that how you spell it? Usually they get all icky in the nose hairs. When you don't have nose hairs they don't get stuck. So now, I have boogers being stuck again - hallelujah!!!
My sister got me a wonderful shirt for my nose piercing day. You'll see it when I post it...
Going to run now.
Peace be with you.

Just thoughts on a hot spring day...is it summer?

I am trying (yes trying) to get ready for my workshop on Friday. This week I am a bit like a fish out of water. Here on campus - just a few things to do. Since I am online I see that Sen Kennedy has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor. You know what - whether you like him or dislike him - I can only think of the long road it is - whatever road is taken. I think of that chemo and the radiation. It just is sad - and the sad thing is that it is happening all around us everyday. Today is the "first" day for chemo for some, or the "first" to feel the side effects. Many firsts and today I woke up and felt good. Clear mind and thoughts for the day. My biggest worry was getting Lilli to her new school and seeing if it would go OK (it did). I don't have to worry about those thoughts of being sick to my stomach.

Speaking of that - I have a blood test on Wednesday. It is to do a "mark" - I don't know - I'll find out on Friday what that means. I went for my second workout and the PT looked at my stomach muscle - it was really hurting - she said it was fine. OK I said and kept going. What is a gal to do with a stomach muscle pulled up to her eyebrow!

Enough - I am going to go - I have officially wasted and hour on the computer at the library. Gotta wash my hands now because I am touching the grody computer.
Peace be with you and you and you - especially you.

here is what my hair looks like. It is coming in and now looks like hair. Pretty dark!
here is what I am doing, I decided I am done with wearing things to cover it up. So, as usual, a hat here in NM - it is starting to get hot. But today I went out without a head covering. Don't care - I am done. It is close enough to coming in and you can see that there is hair. I am just walking on the wild side. Eyelashes glorious eyelashes! I have missed you so! I dearly love my lashes. I found this mascara to "prime" them. What that means is that I put this coat of white stuff. Nice - I can see every little lash there is. Then, I put on the black. I even do my lashes on the bottom. I love them - I missed them - my friends are back!!!

Once again, someone came up and talked to me about my hair. Oh lordy, tell me, why would someone shave their head to wear a wig. I don't know. All I know is that I don't care for it.

Here is a picture of Lilli's last day at Susans. I upload it here because of my thoughts. I couldn't get through that good bye without tears. This gal has been such a rock for me, everyday dropping my Lilli off and having her take care of her. There were days that I was so happy that there was a place that I knew someone was there not on steroids - boy those were some of my worst days! My hope was and is always that Lilli does not remember this experience.

I also had a thought today. After Church we went to see the new exhibit at the museum of natural history. Lilli and I have spent so many hours at that place. This was the first place that I went to get out of the house after surgery. I could barely walk at that point, but was happy to see Lilli escaping into the world of Dinosaurs.

Tomorrow is a big day. Lilli goes to pre school. It is funny, for so long - yet in such a short time I wanted to get things to normal. Then, all of the sudden they are normal. It is a new normal, but for some reason I have to say that my stomach is side ways. I am not sure why that is. Side ways in the way that I am not quite comfortable, it could be stress, it could be other things - don't know. All I know is that I just keep going. Like everything else, I just keep going. There really is no other way.

On Friday I was walking on campus and I got a bit sad. Do you realize, that when I am done with school - there is no more. This is it. I guess I could do more - but it really now is to just reach the top and then keep polishing that. As I watched the students packing up and leaving, I reflected back so many years ago. I never packed up and went home, I never took time off, OK there was that summer at Yellowstone....but I find myself doing the same thing I did some 25 years ago. Just keep on keeping on.

Nose piercing this Thursday!

Peace be with you.

Angry Gas Man

This evening, I'll add, this cold evening, we ventured out to get coffee for the morning. I looked and saw that I needed gas - went to Sams club. Just as I got out to pump the gas this guy is coming and yelling "the gas is slow and it has air in it" go and complain. Don't pay for air. Hell, with that in mind, I just decided not to push my luck! People are getting edgy and with the prices going to $4.00 - watch out!

So here is how it goes. Yesterday, I went to the dentist - 6 month check up. I reflect back to my last cleaning, I could barely lay in the chair. It was right before my chemo. This time I thought there was really something wrong - but nothing - my teeth are really sensitive due to the chemo - who knew that would be a side effect! So, then I got my toes done - my mothers day present to myself! And then I had an interview for an internship. What the hell I said, nothing to lose. It is with the city and sounds like I'll be working about 20 hours a week. Good by me. I am taking at least one class, maybe two. I feel as if I need a break for the summer and most likely will stick with one class. I want to kinda get my thoughts back in line, no chemo brain. I also want to start my walking or biking. I go in the morning to get my outline of what I am supposed to do to increase my strength, especially in my stomach.

Lilli is officially enrolled in a new pre-school. 5 days a week, and I am thrilled to get her into this small place. It is close to my school and close to my new job. Oh, I forgot to mention that I did get that job at the city. Speaking of that - let me tell you something. I am really thinking that everything happens for a reason. If we open ourselves and observe what is around us, there is a reason for what is happening to and at you. Here is what I mean. I had that 1st interview at a different place and that just did not work out. That same day, there was a posting for another internship and I applied. I got an email, set up an interview and met with two gals. Right off the bat it was good. The boss reminds me of a friend I had in Vail. I don't know who reads this anymore - but this gal reminds me of Leela. As it turns out, I had to bring my transcript to her today along with an application to get processed. I asked her if she would not mind if I got my nose pierced. I have been planning this for so long and thought if I do it and get to this job they may say yank it out. Then, I just said, (oh, forgot to say this - I wore my hair for the interview) I most likely will wear a head wrap when I come to work. Just to let her know. Then, she told me, her father is starting chemo on Monday and her family has no experience with this. Her eyes began to well up with tears. Lung cancer - stage 4. That is exactly the same cancer and stage with the gal that I sit with for my infusions on Fridays. So, I gave her a hug - she needed it. And then we talked about that for awhile. I said that I am very open about my journey and however I can be support - I can help. So, again, things for reasons. Strange.

It is late and I am so tired - do I see a theme in these postings!!!!!! But, it is time to go. I leave you with one thought - how many of you dodge tumble weeds on the way to work? Lilli and I have a blast on windy days dodging those darn things on our way to her babysitter.

Here is what I hope for the day that you read this. I hope that you really feel something today. Don't just go through the motions. Flip on the radio to a classical music station and turn it up loud, or listen to something that really stimulates you. Go buy a bouquet of flowers, for yourself and enjoy! I am finding that as I get back to my routine, I am forgetting to breathe, it is essential for me to really step back and take in what life is about, what life I am choosing to live, how do I want to live it. I am gaining back my control of my life. I want more of this and less of that, now I need to figure out this and that.

Peace be with you.

Happy Mothers Day

My dad sent me some wonderful flowers for mothers day. How nice. They are so bright and colorful. I had some strange things happen today. I was walking back into church after getting Lilli and this lady stopped me. She blurted out "I am a 31 year survivor". I did not know what to say. "Thank you that makes me feel better" was all I could muster. Then I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I don't know why - welcome to the club is the only thing that I can think of at this time. So, I bid good day.

I loved the ministers talk today, I say talk because she has a sing to her voice - the greatest gift is the gift of wonder. Then she went on to ask - who taught you to wonder. Oh that is powerful. We do so much of "no no no" but really - to look at things and ask. What a beautiful gift. Thank you mom for giving me that wonder (I forgot to tell you about that). And also one thing that I heard today was that life is "taught to kids" but "caught by adults".



Here is a picture Lilli took of me -

And...Hair beautiful hair!!! I have hair coming in everywhere - eye brows going every which way - leg hair that is coarser than before (bring on the razors - I am happy!!!)

This week I HOPE to do that nose. And, to celebrate the end of the semester, I am getting a pedicure. Wish you were here Lisa, I am going to the same place. Do you recall that gals name that jabbed your foot? I am going to tell them to be gentle!!! OK. Time to wrap it up. One last thought - I miss my grandma. I saw a lady in church that looked so sad - and I thought, she had a mom too and I bet she misses her. One does not think of that when you come across older people (I thought she was in her 80's) but we all can still miss our mothers and grandmothers on this day.

I am very thankful that I have my strong sister and mother and wish you both a great day. And all of my "sister" in spirit - hope your day was special. If not, hell, come with me to get a pedicure - THAT will make you feel better - bright pink toes.

Peace be with you.

I am coming up for air! I have my stats final on Tuesday so I am studying a little bit everyday. The ringing in my ears is driving me batty!!!!! I hate it. It is enough to make me so crabby. Chris just said that I was talking loudly - well - yes I am - can't hear above the ringing. We looked at a pre-school tonight, they were having "founders night". It is a nice little place, close to school, so it is all good. Just need to take the leap and get her into something formal.
OK speaking of the little gem - time to run.

Hair

Here is my hair. I am not sure - is it about week 4 or so? Anyhow take a look - fuzzy wuzzy was a bear.....
Here is what I found taped to a box in the shed. I remember that I cut it out because it really was how I thought and actually do think. I would say it is about 6 years old and I got it out of Fast Company magazine. "I will never use the phrase 'low-hanging fruit.'....I will not describe any merger as 'win-win'....I will not ask the federal government to sue my leading competitor....And...I won't wear loafers. NO WAY. Tom Watson.

I think of this as I am learning new things and new phrases. In the business world, I call it group think when people are talking the same cliche's. It drives me batty!!!! People, think on your own and talk on your own. Why do we all have to say the same stuff!!!! You know what also drives me batty, big trucks that are 10 feet above the ground and go fast and have no mufflers! What about as I say "national no turn signal day" - or especially in my little village the speed limit is 30 with a cop behind every tree, locals go 30. Then, people come right up to your bumper and tailgate. Crazy. Here is what happened today. I was getting out of church, and there was this guy "waiting" for someone. Well, he was right in the crosswalk. I am sure he did not realize that he was right in the cross walk as he waited.......and waited.....and waited.....for his daughter. Because I know that people need to use that crosswalk, I nicely told him. He moved the car and waited.....and waited.....at the other end of the parking lot. Somehow I think that this guy would also go to the supermarket and wait in front of the store. You know.

I posted the picture of my ear - Chris gave me earring for our anniversary. Also, wow, look at those age spots on my skin. I have noticed how the skin on my neck is also looking old. How and when does that happen. Drink more water - maybe that is the trick. We shall see. OK - tired as tired can be. I have a full week. Did I mention that I hate my belly button. That my friends is another subject for another night!

Darn my words!

As most everyone knows - I can be a little quick with the ol' mouth. And so it was true the other day. I interviewed for this internship - I really wanted it to work, I wanted to love it and it really inspire me. I even wore my hair - wow - now you know it was an occasion! It just did not work. I would have to do so much on my end to make it work, and guess what I learned in the process, I really enjoy doing what I do and making my meager wages with my on and off training and my teaching online. So, I'll continue the search for the right fit - as well as the right thing for Lilli. These darn waiting lists!!!

So, another thing that I find is that you never know when your thoughts will stick with someone else. I learned this years ago when I was a field person. After the fact I had this general manager come up to me and tell me how much I inspired her, even though I was not her field person. Strange, that was the first thing I thought, but the power we have to reach other people without really knowing it. And, with that being said, I'll share with you what someone - a classmate "threw" back in my face today. My discussion on an earlier email was that it really is not the final project we are doing, which is a podcast, but rather the process of getting to do the podcast. Without further ado...
I know that I don't know you very much, but I know enough to tell you that I admire your strength and approach to life. So, let us focus on what is really important in life, which is LIFE itself. Thus, you get the rest that you need because everything else is just the rest... or as you said "no matter what the outcome is - it is about getting there that is the important part"

So the question is - would I rather just watch my words or trip over what I say once in a while. My answer is of course trip. Hell, I have scraped my knees way too many times and they have healed. I'll continue to do and say what I am. Otherwise, it just wouldn't be me now would it?

Did I tell you that it has been proven walking 30-40 minutes a day helps prevent breast cancer. Yes my Dr. says it is true. So, I'll start that this week. Then, I started thinking even more. Maybe it is not all about the walking, rather getting rid of the bad stress. Then even more - I start thinking about good stress and bad stress - and do I surround myself with stress.

Where is my weekly hair pic - I took some tonight - I'll upload later. It is a fuzz ball!!! Dr. says maybe by June I'll go without a hat. And, another note since I am talking about Herceptin (OK I wasn't but I will) one of the side effects for me is that for some reason it needs to get out of my body any which way it can, if you know what I mean!

Nose piercing. I am doing it this week. Anyone else up for it? I am thinking this Friday. Mary is going with me so I don't know if she is free on Friday - but I plan to do it soon.

Did I tell you about the compression sleeve for my arm.................goodness - it will take a good few weeks to get used to this thing. It will prevent the fluids in my lymph node area from backing up - especially when flying.

OK, it was a long day at school on Saturday. Time to wind down.
Peace be with you.