Getting into routine

I did not put these in my biopsy pictures. Here is the Dixie Cup on the boob pic - I had to wear an old IHG shirt - since I don't have an button down that were big enough for large dixie cup! Seriously - you have to ask yourself - is there enough room in there for needles? And then, why do I feel the need to take a self portrait as I am sitting and waiting to get the OK get up from the chair with the 2 needles in your boob. Sometimes....a lot of time....I am just plumb crazy!

I don't think that I wrote this earlier - so I will now. I went to my Dr. on Tuesday and got my stitches out. She used the glue on the other part - but had to use a stitch here and there. I ended up having to wait for a while. Here is what she said - the results surprised the radiologist - she expected it to be cancer. Yipes. That is scary. So, I am thanking my lucky stars. Oh - side note - Dr. says that when the swelling goes down, my boobs should be even.

OK, I am just going to say this - what the hell are old men doing helping their wives shop? This drives me nutty!!! Today I went for the annual - buy shoes this year for next year 75% off sale and there were two old guys just getting the way. I wanted to pull them aside and explain how it works - move out of the way!!!! And, then I started thinking, for heavens sake - what is the woman doing allowing their husbands actively helping them? Oh humor shows up in a few different ways.

I ran into one of my school friends today, and then we ran into another one of our friends. Girl Power!!!! The one gal has a daughter Lilli's age, so, we are going to get them together so that when Lilli goes to the Pre-K she'll know someone.

I switched a class today - so now I am doing a bit of catch up. It is going to be a busy semester, but I think OK. Doable.

I need to get up early, meeting with two gals for coffee at 8a.m. - so I need to get out of here by 7a.m., that is early. We are going to talk about Second Life and the applications in training. Just fun stuff. I know that I love this stuff, because when I start talking about it in a group I get very animated. So, passion could be that right word.

Peace be with you.

Life is anew

And so, with a flick of the wrist, she switched from one year to the next by changing her car parking permit. Alas, a new year, a new start and new thoughts are on the horizon. I am starting to look at life in the way my advisor suggests some people are – passion hoppers. That is why this life will suit me. I like to go from one thing, to the next with zest and passion. Why not.

There has been some interesting research done on positive surroundings for cancer patients. I have known this and wish I can find the article – maybe later. But, as indicated, being positive and surrounding yourself with positive thoughts through the process helps. It does go back to, put one foot infront of the next and figure things out. If you don’t like it, then live with it or change it. It is about choice. Because there are times in which you don’t have a choice. You don’t have the choice of cancer. It chooses you. So, I keep going back to, then you are you, a little more, the lessons learned, or given. It is a part of me. A good example I have is this – each time I stretch or bend, I am fully aware that my left side is tighter, it wants to lean over and sag. That darn stomach muscle is pulling me down, but I just won’t let it pull me down. It ain’t happening.

So, it is on this fresh Monday. Step one foot infront of the next, listen to a little tune on my i-phone and head to my first class. Life is grand.
Peace be with you.

Oh Happy Day

The power of a phone call. I got done with work and decided to stop at Albertsons on the way home. Here is what happened about an hour earlier. I called the Dr's office and was told that results will not be in until later in the week. I was pissed. Why - well - the Dr. said that the results would be in today. So, walking on pins and needles - then someone at the office says that - grrr. But, then the phone call comes in while I am in the Cereal Aisle. Freeze. Frozen. Do I answer? Yes - it is someone at the Dr.'s office. the Path report comes back with some medical term that means no cancer. That is all I have to hear. I need to go to her office next week for a follow up - but oh happy day.

The power of our phone. Incredible.

I have been thinking about that gal that died last week. Her son is 4 years old. I thought he was 9 - don't know why. So, I thought that I would do something this weekend that she may have liked to do with her son. Maybe the zoo or such. Lilli and I will do something to celebrate a person that I was very fortunate to know.

I happened on another person that died over the weekend. If you so desire - http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92038718&ps=bb4
The funny thing is that this blog followed the life of a very well know writer, but he really pin pointed many cancer issues. The one is on a roller coaster. Take a listen, powerful stuff!
Going back to what I really think, I have been learning lessons, I need to understand those lessons. I am still getting strong. From the core, strength starts from the core.

It has been a day. I am headed to bed - need to put that sports bra on for the night. 24 hours of wearing - better than the ace bandage for sure.

Overall, I have one thought. A lumpectomy, although I understand is really scary, was nothing like my mastectomy and TRAM. I don't want to say that a lumpectomy is nothing, it is, but holy cow - what a difference. I did make up my mind that if there was cancer in my path report - I was going to have the right boob chopped off. Don't care - take it and I'll put a sharpie smiley face in the nipple area. But, the only thing that I'll need to worry about in the next 6 months is to get my dog ears (from the TRAM) tucked in. I just can't stand them.

OK, enough for now.
Peace be with you and thank you all for your crossed fingers, good thoughts and prayers. Finally, good news.

Biopsy - Needle Loc

I went in to get my needle loc at 9a.m. on Friday. I don't ever want to do that again. It was not fun. But, in the true spirit of showing all here - I'll put in some of the pictures. Although the procedure was not the most painful - it ranked up there. Your boob is put in compression, then the Dr. comes in an numbs it, they figure out where to put the needles in, then he put the two in, double checked it and then I had another mammogram. All was OK and then the Dixie cup went on. We traveled across town to the surgery center. Got all set up there, I was the last one of the day. I guess it took about an hour to do the biopsy/lumpectomy. We were heading home by 3p.m. I was able to rest all night and then some more today. Thank heavens! I took a shower and took the ace bandages off. It looks OK. Nothing too bad. Here are the pictures....don't look if you don't want to....

Thoughts of the day

Some things just have to be. I thought I'd jinx my chances of the fellowship if I wrote this - but forget it - I got word that I did not get one of the fellowships I interviewed for. Rejection never feels good. It stings. You get that word and it does hurt. But there are winners and losers - also too remember (I say to myself) that I put myself out there a bit. It would be EASY to not do some of the things that I do - but with the doing is the chance of rejecting. If I don't try - then I can't keep growing. So you ask, what was I going to write - here is the truth - I could not make it up if I tried. I went for my 1st interview at 1p.m. and I knew where the Asst. Dean's office was - that was not the problem. Then as I approached the door was open, and I got closer, what was the room number? You guessed it....222. Had the interview, and what they are doing is GREAT - but they got someone most likely from that college that knew the prof's and the programs. I am good with that - because I really think what they are doing is in the right direction. So, I grabbed an Americano on Ice, talked to Emily and then got in my car - I decided that since I was meeting my Mac guy (from work he sold me his computer which is a Mac i-something - desktop) at 5:30 across town, I was going to park in the parking structure since I ran out of change for the meter where I was parked. The rates are the same 1.75 per hour - just the structure is out of the sun and I can pay with my debit card.

So, I moved my car and got the parking stub - what time was it - 2:22p.m. - right there for everyone to witness - I should had taken a picture. So as I wait for my fellowship word from my 2nd interview - just keep hoping that the other candidate does not have more experience than I do. I am feeling a bit beaten up.

My spa mate died yesterday. That also stung. I learned that this afternoon. The last time I saw her was at the breast cancer walk in June. Our kids where in the bouncy thing together. She was a few years older, but had that magnetic personality. She was the one that told me about the retreat. I am sad. This is a horrible way to die. In a matter of fact that was just the discussion we had as our kids jumped. Chemo sucks and it sucks to feel crappy - especially if you are going to die. Her cancer spread and got the best of her. Why? That is the question. I have her image planted firmly in my memory and will think of her often. One never knows the impact that just a chance meeting or two will have on someone.

Death and strength - how they go together. Reflecting on someones death makes one strong.

As I sat today for my herceptin treatment - there was a guy and his wife that came in just about the same time. He had bad news, something about needing to be better hydrated, so he needs to come back in the morning for his chemo. Good news, he doesn't feel like crap tonight - bad news, everything is out of his control. Anyhow I was sharing the story about Dave - my cousin's husband and how he went in for intensive chemo last week. After one treatment and the drugs you take along with them, he looked at me and said - OK - I am not going to complain about this today. Ta-Da - life is now in check. Anyhow - I hope that Dave is feeling better this week.

I am pooped. I am so thankful that today I was able to come home and just sleep. Chris picked up Lilli and I slept. What a relief.

The week is almost over, tomorrow is the big biopsy day. I know that everything will be OK. I just know it will be.

Peace be with you.
Ali

Just good thoughts

Yesterday I went to church. Lilli of course went to the kids area and we brought some bubbles with us to share. There is this gal that is such a free spirit - in a way reminds me of Amy. Anyhow - she said that at her work the night before a little girl also had bubbles and just couldn't help but to blow bubbles then twirl in them. Isn't that just a delight? The other side of the story is while she was twirling - and holding the bubbles solution - you guessed it - flung out most of the solution. Oh well - a few minutes of bliss is well worth it!

So, I got this call today. She said that there were problems with my blood. Lordy - what next. I called back and as it turns out when I had it drawn last week something happened and they did not get my plasma. Geez. I had just gotten done with my EKG. So, I decided to just go after dinner and have it drawn. Ouch. Gotta keep some good veins for my herceptin infusions!

And, it was back to work today. OK. I like being there - I admit it. I have lots of work to do before I leave. And, everyone cross your fingers for good vibes my way for my interview for my fellowship with the library. We shall see how that shakes out. I have a 50/50 chance.

Tomorrow is muga scan. For fun - I'll take some pictures. I have not been documenting this round of crap....oops.....round of worry.....as I did last year.

I am ready to put my celebration nose ring back in. Can't wait to have it shine a bit. I'll go on Saturday to my "piercer". You know, every gal needs a piercer!

I am trying to figure out the mobile blogger. I love my i-Phone but can't figure things out.

Time to head to bed.

Peace be with you.

Updates

I have not written in a while. Not because things are going OK, it is just the opposite. So, I'd rather refrain for a while. Here are some other things that are going on. Getting ready, blood tests, changes in Herceptin infusion, EKG next week, and what else....Oh - Lilli is off school this week. We have had fun. Went on a train today, although it was a bit of stress this morning, overall once we were there it was good. Here is really what I learned. Feeling a bit down, I did not get the $5000.00 scholarship that I had hoped for, and that would help for the year, I did not get picked for a paper presentation, and some other things, I just feel crappy. But, here is what happened. We went from the train to the bookstore today. They had this thing at the school bookstore that if you bought 9 books during the summer, then you get one free. So, throughout the summer I bought the 9 books. Today was the big, go to the bookstore and pick out the "free" book (trust me - Lilli is getting 4 books for Christmas!!! Just need to tuck them into a safe place that I'll remember). Anyhow, we were starving, so we went to the Union and got something to eat. Enjoyed eating outside, it was warm, but I would rather be outside than inside. Then, we went to the bookstore. Spent 1/2 hour or so there. She picked out the free book plus another..... Here is the realization. I love being on campus. I feel like a wilted flower and then when I get to school someone puts water on me and I perk up. A calmness comes over me. It is right. So, everyone cross your fingers that I can land this fellowship. It is really neat opportunity and I just feel as if it is right.

And, my friend Emily told me that I needed to get some sports bra's for after the biopsy. I went to get those today. She also warned me - NO HUGGING! OK OK - I'll fight the urge to hug someone on the street! Seriously, I plan on being OK on Friday and on Saturday go get my nose ring put back in. They said maybe they can do tape on my quartz ring for the procedure.

Enough - I am tired.
Peace be with you.