I'm late, I'm late, I'm late for an important date!

Here is my disclaimer - upfront. Today was my last taxol and my mind is a little more "chemo brain" than usual. By the way - it was really confirmed that I do have chemo brain when several items were brought to my attention last weekend with my sister. At least she can tell it to me like it is and I don't get mad. Further more - my niece can just laugh about the silly things I say - so, take advantage of it now!!!!! And, it took me like 6 hours to do my mid-term clean up for my Stats class. He gave us the opportunity to gain back some points.

Here is something cool my dad did - made a poster. Neato.

Here is the scoop - have a cup of tea or coffee on March 28th and think of me. We will all have a virtual tea party.



God bless my dad, I told him he could drink coffee next week instead of tea!

Here is the last Taxol. Take a look - my nurse tried one vein. She said "did you drink water this morning?" My vein was not great - it was tired. Let's face it - those darn things need a break! She got it on the second try. For some reason I thought she said a "dull needle" and I said that I wanted a sharp needle for the love of God! Ha ha ha. here is the poke, ouch, and off we go!
Here I am in my favorite chair. Oh, I did not mention , I was late! I hate being late. For some reason I hit every light, and I was running about 5 minutes late, then all of the lights turned into 10. I rushed in with "the kitchen sink" - computer, tea, chocolates (thanks Dad - everyone enjoyed them!), water and music. Blood pressure was high for me 123/70 - who knows, could it be the tardiness and the anticipation. I bet. And, I have gained 5 pounds. GEEEEEEZZZZ. One more week of this stuff to get out of my body and then I should be able to get into a routine. What a day. Look at my table. My nurses got me tulips and chocolates for my last taxol. The joint was jumping! At least none of that blood stuff was happening - didn't get freaked out. Here is what I have not mentioned recently - I hate that twisting feeling of the needle in my vein. It is creepy. This started with all of the blood draws I did back in the IVF days. So, when I am doing infusions, I don't move my right hand. It just stays put.

There was a newcomer to the club. I could only imagine how she was feeling. She was the winner as far as the time went. I started at about 9:45 and got done at 3:30p.m. That poor girl started before me - 9:30ish and still was going after I left. As I write this tonight, I am still thinking about her. I hope that she will get through her first infusion without getting sick. There is so much going on, the last thing she needs is to feel icky. Oh, here is a cool thing - her support was there in force. This gal was in her 40's and her friend of 30 plus years and her husband was with her. Good I thought - you need that for sure! And, what I told her was the biggest thing I learned is how dear my friends are to me and how my relationships with my family had deepened for me. Again, you have to experience it to feel it. It is a transformational experience. And as I write my paper for the class I have been talking about - I am creating a model for a "frame of reference". It is all about experience and wow - what an experience this has been. OK - I am off on a tangent.

I have a confession dear readers - I have been watching Big Brother on showtime. Oh my goodness - this is crazy. It is an observation of human game play. More so it is how people screw with other peoples minds. Strange but I am hooked. Don't tell anyone. I'll be over soon and then I'll be done. Guess I could watch something else as crazy - oh well. Guilty guilty guilty for watching crap!!!!

I put my peace sign on my head today. Lilli had one on her hand. I got some tattoo's and thought that would be the best way to wear it. Tonight Chris said I should get a tattoo to replace the other boob one on my head. Nope, I don't think I'll do it. But it is almost nose piercing time. I need to coordinate dates with Mary to go with me - just in case I pass out.

So dear readers, my taxol is done. I went in kicking and screaming. I was sick, I felt as if it was something I did not want to do. Now I know it as the right thing. I am done (where is the wood to knock on) and to get through the 13 ( I think, or it is 14) herceptins.

My life has changed. My focus has changed. I have always been a bit of a different person, I have always believed that I am in control of my destiny. I still feel that way, I have been dealt the cards the way they are - so now - what I am I going to do about it. I still get bitchy and crabby, don't get me wrong, but I have to really step back and make sure that life is the way that I want it. I still am in control of my destiny. My first and foremost focus is to make sure my daughter. It has taken everything in my being to get through this and also try to be that strong mom that she deserves.

Enough. I think I'll have a snack - those damn steroids!!!!

Peace was felt on my side today - thank you all. Enjoy your weekend.