Whew - I am coming back

For those that don't visit the photo blog for Lilli, here is a pic that I had done for Valentines day. It is my favorite. I think that it looks like she is about ready to fly. How sweet it is that she can take off and do anything. Be free I say little fairy - fly fly fly to where you want to go!

Here is my update.
A week. It took a week this time, my feet are tingling, I have bone pain but I am not the green (no pun intended) steroid monster. My stomach muscle pulls as well today - but I can tolerate being alive at 8:30p.m. Last night I could not and had to go to sleep.

So, a week - next time it maybe a week as well which is why now I need to bone up on everything that I need to get done over the next two weeks. I took time today and enjoyed my reading. Here is a note to all of you. Take someone to Borders, they have "teapot service". Two for tea and tea for two! It is a delightful teapot that will last someone like me two hours or to share with a friend. Next time, I'll bring a friend! I opted not to go to campus, instead thought I would take sometime and get stuff done for next week. Indeed I did that as well as came home and did work here. Figured that if the snow is coming, I would be close to home. And, the snow did not fly. We shall see if it does in the morning. Keep telling Lilli get ready to wear your boots!

Here is something that I am thinking. Reference. Yes, from experience you have a frame of reference. Each of us is different. So thus, we all look at experiences and frame(s) of reference(s) differently. This is how we learn and grow. Such as if you have never been exposed to things – you will never know. Chris always gives the example of acorn slippers. He says “I never knew how great acorn slippers were until you bought me a pair”. Prior to the acorn slippers, I guess he wore socks. Not sure and that is meant tongue and cheek. So, back to me. There is a frame of reference here that I have not experienced. This is my inner struggle. I don’t know what it was like to have cancer. I really thought that it was a scary thing. I also have seen several friends die recently from cancer, thus, it is a bad thing. Then, when I look at me, I still am me. I have not changed. I don’t feel differently. (more about that later). My thoughts have not changed, yet there are so many nights that I just lie there and think about how different this is. My light bulb finally went on. I have not been through this. I don’t know. So, how am I supposed to know. It is all in this pool of me that is what I am pulling from my past. But there is nothing to pull from. So it is new. This is my start and where I finish, I am not sure. The one thing that I do know is that is it mine. No one can share this, this frame of reference I am molding. It is selfish. It is my perception of what I am now. It is my frame of reference for the future. I am finally unraveling this a bit. And, for everyone that wonders what I am studying, can you see where this is going. Can you see how I get wrapped in my studies. OH MY – what if I was going to school for math. I guess I would find a way to figure out my experience with math…………

Today I thought I would go and take a break for an hour or so, and went to the Mall. I like to shop. Big sales are going on and I love it. You know, buy the shoes for next year type of thing at 75% off. After my pot of tea I went to Macys. Random thoughts darted through my brain. As I was looking at some sweaters, there were some that were very cute, and they were form fitting. I went for the cardigan that was safe. Hmmm….how life changes. I could handle about ½ hour of shopping and I was out of there. Sad, time to rest. While I was at the mall I would catch a glimpse of what “is” in the mirror and wondered what will be. The reason I wonder about that is that yesterday I got a new wig. I don’t know who donated them to the cancer center, but someone did. Young person I think. Anyhow, I feel so fortunate, I walked in yesterday to give some Valentines candy to everyone and Chris (my nurse – but Lilli calls her Dr. Chris) had a wig on. Funny. She was glowing red. Then they said that this person donated her wigs – she was done with treatment and her hair was coming back. Oh, I thought to myself, there will be a day (won’t there???). Out came some funky wigs – thank Karen, fun I said – but I’ll pass. Then there was one that was more my color. Really it reminded of Grandmas color. It was longer in the front and a bob (I almost wrote boob – what a slip that would had been!) in the back. I took it. I put it on tonight to show Chris (the husband not “Dr.”) and when he turned around he jumped. We are so used to me without hair!!! I look like my sister. As soon as I get a picture I’ll upload it. The wig is more me than the other one. Again, the kindness of someone passing it on. Very nice!