We have had huge things happen over the last few weeks. Wow. So, I am thrilled to be alive and thrilled that last week - January 14th 2009 was my last herceptin. As uneventful as it started, so it ended. 17 infusions later. I was happy to be done. Funny thing is that I have seen others get weepy or such at the last one. Well, not me. Sure, I'll miss the every three 3 weeks that I have to sit in the chair and talk - but I will enjoy maybe every three weeks just sitting down for a cup of coffee instead.
What a life. My mom was here for the weekend. It was a good trip and as always she puts the mom spin on things....you know just to make one think. While we were driving to school today Lilli said that she had such a good time with grandma and I asked what was her favorite thing. Playing and coloring. Aha - it really is about the fun isn't it!
I am back at school and happy and thankful to be here. Taking a full load - 15 hours but I think it'll be OK. I keep saying - if I can do 12 hours and every now and again feel icky from the herceptin, then I surely can do 1 more class.......
So here is a thought- as I type this there are people that are sitting in chemo chairs, there are people that are giving a good fight and there are people that are dying. For me, I understand this and I appreciate this a bit more. As I keep saying I have changed, but really I have not, it is me not the change. Some is more of me, some is less of me, but I have full control now over most of me. I have met so many wonderful people that inspire certain things. I add a little "well that is for so and so" as I do something that we may have talked about when you are in a chemo chair. For those that I have spent time with, just sitting and talking being hooked up to machines, the conversations will never leave my mind. I may have not known them well, but think about this, when have you really, I mean really talked with people on that level. When you talk about how the drugs affect your poop - you can talk about anything. Except death. That was never discussed.
As I move away from my every three week commitment, I am thrilled to be alive. To wake this morning and say Lilli come here - look at the sky - isn't it just beautiful? Or having our "lucky day" when a balloon floats over the city. OK. So, for those of you that don't know - almost every morning there are balloons (hot air balloons) that float around. But, having that be the sign for a lucky day - why not - odds are in our favor!
In all of my awe, a while back I have really tried to live my life from a place in gratitude. It is from this in which has become a habit to be thankful of what I have and what I will have in the future. It is knowing that I have the choice in may things. I can control much of that - and I know that I can't control other aspects of my life. So be it. I will deal with what I have to in the future with a different view than before.
Oh, just a small thing happened this week and as my dad said - we got him into office. No matter what your political view - it is all about the politics - put that aside and just relish in change. There is hope like we have not seen in years and I really do think that will trickle down to all of us. So, be a bit nicer to a person on the road, or on the street. Look the other way when you encounter someone that is just not worthy of your thoughts. Focus on the positive and the rest will come. Take a look around, sometimes change may come slowly for reasons that you may not know why - but it'll come. The answers most likely are in front of you if you come from it with gratitude of what you have today. Change in me, change in my life to continue. As I have the choice of my control.
May peace be with you today.
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