Thoughts on a Sunday

I got through my infusion on Friday and it was a sad day - at least for a while - they are closing the cancer office on Fridays. Now I need to go on a different day. I guess that the work load for these people was too little. I say that with tongue and cheek. What, you want all of the seats filled all of the time. There are times, like Friday, in which people need to drop in and get something. Such as getting hydrated when you are sick. Anyhow - I was going to take a picture, but I did not.

I felt a bit odd on Friday night into Saturday morning. Odd, just because it was that - not sick - just really tired and icky. So, who knows, but at least I slept in on Saturday. I am so glad that I don't feel fuzzy anymore. That was a bad thing that happened after my treatment. I hated that. Just knowing that I would feel gross, with fuzzy thought. So I ramble.

Today was a good day. Went to church and the theme was simplicity. Mostly how to simplify your thoughts and your mind. I liked it. It spoke to me and what I want to do. For some reason I have tried to crowd myself with many thoughts and things when in reality - it is the simple things that I think that we all seek.

With getting back into the routine of school, I find that all of my time is reading. That is what it is about. It is the reading for those little nuggets that make you think on a different level and being open to learning new things. Or, at least how to break the old and reconstruct it in a new theory or model. Models and theories. Yes - that is my thought process - how does this flow - where would I put this in my model. Yipes. Oh, I did not mention, I got a crappy little office at the library. OK, it is really just a small room that one person can barely fit into but it is mine for the year and it is in the Library. My home, the library. I am truly living my dream and it is really about the Journey this time. This time I am taking my time to enjoy and explore not rush through and not be present. I want to think, feel and pursue others that are on the same quest. Thus, at 43 I am happy to be in this place. Could had it happened 20 years ago, I don't really think so. My life and my choices, good or bad, is what I am today and where I go is about the choices I make now.

But, back to the thought - I use each moment of the day filling my head with new readings. And, I have a LOT of them this semester.

Oh, we think I have 7 herceptins left - so - 1 every 3 weeks that is about 5 months or so. I have to say that my nurses, are just wonderful. Inspiring and understanding. Just amazing. Should mention that for some reason I was paired with a great oncologist as well. How did that happen? Not sure but I am happy that it did. I now see him once every 6 weeks. I was filling out a form about my health for school and they asked when the last physical I had, I said, don't ask!!! And, would you like my most recent blood work as well???

Tattoo. I just no longer see my thing 1 as a boob with a nipple. It is just a stomach muscle with fat and skin. Here is how I feel, it is still hard for me to comprehend that I am part of a cancer club. Yes, even after the last biopsy and scare. That may sound strange. It is the same thing that I think of when I think of how people perceive me. From the outside I look one way when in reality I am something else on the inside. Like, I have a secret. That was what I was thinking today as I had a few minutes to myself at the store. The gal wanted to see my picture ID when I gave her my credit card. I gave her my ID and she looked at me. Not saying a word, she completed the transaction. Yes, I say, I have a secret. Maintaining a normal outside, yet, there is something different on the inside.

OK. Enough of my thoughts on this Sunday evening.
Peace be with you.