Thoughts of the day

Some things just have to be. I thought I'd jinx my chances of the fellowship if I wrote this - but forget it - I got word that I did not get one of the fellowships I interviewed for. Rejection never feels good. It stings. You get that word and it does hurt. But there are winners and losers - also too remember (I say to myself) that I put myself out there a bit. It would be EASY to not do some of the things that I do - but with the doing is the chance of rejecting. If I don't try - then I can't keep growing. So you ask, what was I going to write - here is the truth - I could not make it up if I tried. I went for my 1st interview at 1p.m. and I knew where the Asst. Dean's office was - that was not the problem. Then as I approached the door was open, and I got closer, what was the room number? You guessed it....222. Had the interview, and what they are doing is GREAT - but they got someone most likely from that college that knew the prof's and the programs. I am good with that - because I really think what they are doing is in the right direction. So, I grabbed an Americano on Ice, talked to Emily and then got in my car - I decided that since I was meeting my Mac guy (from work he sold me his computer which is a Mac i-something - desktop) at 5:30 across town, I was going to park in the parking structure since I ran out of change for the meter where I was parked. The rates are the same 1.75 per hour - just the structure is out of the sun and I can pay with my debit card.

So, I moved my car and got the parking stub - what time was it - 2:22p.m. - right there for everyone to witness - I should had taken a picture. So as I wait for my fellowship word from my 2nd interview - just keep hoping that the other candidate does not have more experience than I do. I am feeling a bit beaten up.

My spa mate died yesterday. That also stung. I learned that this afternoon. The last time I saw her was at the breast cancer walk in June. Our kids where in the bouncy thing together. She was a few years older, but had that magnetic personality. She was the one that told me about the retreat. I am sad. This is a horrible way to die. In a matter of fact that was just the discussion we had as our kids jumped. Chemo sucks and it sucks to feel crappy - especially if you are going to die. Her cancer spread and got the best of her. Why? That is the question. I have her image planted firmly in my memory and will think of her often. One never knows the impact that just a chance meeting or two will have on someone.

Death and strength - how they go together. Reflecting on someones death makes one strong.

As I sat today for my herceptin treatment - there was a guy and his wife that came in just about the same time. He had bad news, something about needing to be better hydrated, so he needs to come back in the morning for his chemo. Good news, he doesn't feel like crap tonight - bad news, everything is out of his control. Anyhow I was sharing the story about Dave - my cousin's husband and how he went in for intensive chemo last week. After one treatment and the drugs you take along with them, he looked at me and said - OK - I am not going to complain about this today. Ta-Da - life is now in check. Anyhow - I hope that Dave is feeling better this week.

I am pooped. I am so thankful that today I was able to come home and just sleep. Chris picked up Lilli and I slept. What a relief.

The week is almost over, tomorrow is the big biopsy day. I know that everything will be OK. I just know it will be.

Peace be with you.
Ali