Gratitude thoughts

I heard this on Human Kind it was about happiness. I loved it and then I went to go find the link, and behold - you have to pay for it. So, oh well, you just get me saying it. Here is what it comes down to - people that meditate seem to be happier in life. And, the also tend to be good people to be around. When talking about happiness, it is not about the things you have in life, rather, about the life you have. Yes so true. I do think that here in USofA, there is some type of expectation of how things should be with your car, house, life etc. When in reality it is not about things - it is about the here and now. As I was talking to someone the other day we spoke of being healthy from the inside out. Really being healthy in mind and spirit with the body to follow. In by doing things, getting out and seeing the pretty mountains. Sure we choose how we live, and for me, I would rather have a comfortable living than to struggle with the day to day things that make life hard. I am not going to go to a scary part of town just to know the feeling of scary. Life does not have to be that hard.

I am switching subjects here - I have gray hair. Yes I do. So, I think what I'll end up doing is playing with some "streaks" in my hair. See how that works. Trust me - I am not complaining - just saying.

I am really looking forward to my friends birthday. This is my first "girls night" OK - it'll be 1 day and 1 night out. We are heading to Ojo Caliente and I can't wait. It is a place with natural springs to soak in. Try as I might - I am out of shape. I really don't care - I do care - but too late to care. I have never really enjoyed the massage stuff but I do enjoy the manicure and pedicures for sure. And, that is what I am getting. Splurging if you will. Although it is really busy as far as school work, we have been planning this for a long time.

Four Ways to Give Thanks

These simple tips will help you to cultivate gratitude in your daily life.

BY: Catherine Price

Reprinted from Greater Good Magazine, Vol. IV, Issue 1. Used with permission.

Research in positive psychology has identified several ways that practicing gratitude can boost people's health and happiness. Here are four of these research-tested "gratitude interventions."

1. Write a gratitude letter.
Research by Martin Seligman, Christopher Peterson, and others has shown this one to be particularly effective. Write a letter to a mentor, family member, or some other important person in your life whom you've never properly thanked. Deliver it in person. Read it out loud. Bring tissues.

2. Keep a gratitude journal.
Studies by psychologists Michael McCullough, Robert Emmons, Sonja Lyubomirsky, and others have backed up this exercise, which involves keeping a list of things for which you're grateful—anything from your children or spouse to the beauty of the tree outside your window. Doing so helps you focus on the positive things in your life—a practice that's been shown to increase happiness.

3. Savor.
Take the time to notice beauty and pleasures in your daily life. Loyola University psychologist Fred Bryant has shown that savoring positive experiences can heighten your positive responses to them. A key to savoring is what Bryant calls "thanksgiving," or expressing gratitude for the blessings that come your way, large and small.

4. Think outside the box.
It's fairly obvious why we might feel grateful for grandmothers, lovely sunsets, and anything else that has provided comfort or beauty in our lives. But what about thanking the homeless people who come to the shelter where you volunteer? "Individuals who do volunteer work sometimes speak of the benefits they receive from service," writes Robert Emmons in his forthcoming book, Thanks! "Since service to others helped them to find their own inner spirituality, they were grateful for the opportunity to serve." If we look hard enough, he argues, we can find a reason to feel grateful for any relationship—even when someone does us harm, as that person helps us appreciate our own vulnerability. Emmons claims that such highly advanced forms of gratitude may actually increase the level of goodness in the world by inspiring positive acts in ourselves and others.

Today is a day

Trust. Trust is a huge thing. I trust. Let me tell you about trust. Trust is that you can share something on the deepest level and that person has your back. That is trust. I speak of trust because for me, it is essential in everything that I do. Once the trust is gone, it is gone. Very rarely do I give that trust back.

Another thought - doing the right thing for the right reasons. Here is what I heard today in my business class, talking about doing the right things and the right times. So, it got me wondering what I do. Throughout the last few years, even before my cancer, I started on a journey of figuring out how to be kind. Not the, be kind to a person one time, but really to be kind and have a kind heart. I think I already to have a kind heart, but years of competitive business, makes some of us a bit hardened. So, a person can pull back and then decide to be more of the person that they want to be. Kindness is not so far from me, but yet - I need to be reminded that it is a part of me and needs to be even moreso. Round and round this post goes and where it'll stop, nobody knows.

I just read that my cousin has to go through chemo. That sucks and brings back many memories for me. 6 rounds, that is not too bad, but still, that is a long haul in the short term. Although I know that she can do this - it is still hard. And it is personal. We all go through it differently. I'll be grabbing some of my scarves that I have left and sending them on to her. My emotion when I read that from her was anger. It really is anger that she has cancer and she is young. She will beat it, but it will be a heck of a journey. She also will one up me. She goes through radiation. Thank heavens I never had to do that. With my skin, could you imagine I would be red blotchy all over.

So - there are random thoughts from me today. The thoughts that are in my head, most don't make it here to the blog, they stay in my head.

Peace be with you.

The power of a hug.  An authentic hug.  This is what I felt and witnessed today.  The exchange was between a professor and a student.  I did not know what the relationship was, but the energy that I felt - the true sense of being an authentic person to person, human to human and the joy that they shared when they saw each other was great.  The amazing part is that the older person (professor) most likely had no idea of the impact she had on other people.  Amazing stuff if you take the time to just stand back and observe.  

Everyday little things.  So, my insurance is going to change.  The good news is that the insurance is back to what it was before.  Great news for Lilli's doc!  Can't wait to see her.  Then as the conversation turned to me, oh my - am I going to have to change to a new oncologist?  That is a heavy thing that I have never felt before.  As the words were coming out of my mouth, my husband said "I have to change too" - and I guess daggers could be see shooting off the car ceiling.  I answered - "Have you had cancer and oncologist that you would see on a weekly basis?".  I have never been really good with zingers - can't think on my feet and I am really a reflective learner - have to think about thinking about something. ;-)  Alas, my cancer center takes the new insurance and I am very happy.  No more stress about that - onto other stressors.  

I wrote something down on Sunday and forgot it at work - so I am paraphrasing.  What was said is that we are the agents of change and not victims.  When we see that we are the ones that need change - and not being a victim, that is the true sense of transformation.  Funny thing, as I was listening, and they were talking about transformation - I could only think - you have part of it correct - I have learned so much about transformation, triggers, journeys and the like.

Kids say the funniest things.  So, don't tell anyone, just between us, on my Iphone I have all different songs.  In my crappy car I have an adaptor - tape that I plug in so my phone works in the speakers.  Anyway - we crank up Pink, Sheryl Crow, Lily Allen and Mamma Mia.  Bowling for Soup "Greatest Day" gets us rocking in the morning.  And, above all, I play the air drums.  Who needs guitar hero when you can rock out with a 4 year old.  Dance like no one is looking, hell, sing like no one cares.  You know why - I don't care if you see me air drumming.  Sorry that you can be in the car with me!  Oh - Lilli says that I must be 1000 years old......nice!

Enough for one day.  So "how are you doing today" fine I say....fine - that is my mom's word....I feel 75% physically and about 110% mentally.  Somewhere in the middle is "fine".  Today I feel empowered and really am grateful for what I know is today.  Tomorrow, that is another day.  Another day to say "look, it is our lucky day - we see a balloon!".

Peace be with you.

Random thoughts

As I once again can't sleep, I thought I would get up and write some for my scholarships that I am applying. But, it is a strange thought, me writing for a scholarship to pay for my time to write my dissertation and I am applying for cancer ones. Strange indeed, who would had thunk! :-) But, there are some out there, at different levels of money and I am going to try for them since I fully understand about the "giving" back in the name of someone. Actually, that would be a good legacy to have a celebration as such.

In July which is right around the corner, I'll be two years out from the diagnoses. Wow, it seems as if time does fly. When talking to my dad the other day I remember a year ago just like it was yesterday, I was up in Santa Fe with my sister and my nieces. It was after my last chemo and I was on the road back. Looking ahead another year, wow, I am going to be ABD and working towards dissertation. As only I can lead my life, that is how I do things, with a clear goal. I also really think that everything for a reason. I have stuck to my thought about people that I just don't want to be a part of anymore - and that happens. As my life evolves yet comes back full circle, things can change and do change. I am slipping back into the routine of life, which means for me, a full day, a full night and then hopefully a break here and there. Back to taking and picking up Lilli, taking care of everything. So, I guess in many people eyes it is "normal". Yet, what people don't see, they can't feel what I feel, the tightness in my stomach due to the TRAM, and me just wanting to slouch over just a bit because I am really tired. Trying to figure out my hair, waves and all. People just don't see that although I may look like I am just going along with life, I really do have my goals clear, my plan in place and working towards the future. I don't go outside of my comfort zone too much, yet life is just not boring. Otherwise I would shake it up. But, I still hold to the fact that I am free to do what I want and be, I am free to live without being guilty of how I want to live and mostly, I am a human.

Another random thought is that I have to say that those quotes, although I use them at times for the right occasion, I wonder if people really do think of the quotes they attach to their emails. It reminds of the gal that said she knew exactly how she wanted to live her life because you never know when you'll get to the end. My comment is, you can say that - but do you really mean that? I am not sure. You don't know what it is like to be fuzzy from Chemo and it is so out of your control. Try living life to the fullest when you can barely walk due to bone pain.

I am tired yet can't sleep and finding that maybe I just need to call it quits for tonight.

Peace be with you.

On days you want to remember

It seems as if there are just days in which you feel pretty good and that you know things are moving the the right direction.

That is just the thought I have for the day.

Peace be with you.

One more year

Good news, my mammogram came back OK - I have one year before I need to go through that again. And, I am happy. I can finally breathe after the last year and 1/2. On the other hand, my cousin is just finding out that her breast cancer maybe a bit more than what she thought. I hate knowing that she is going through the same uncertainty and the "what else". For heavens sake, what else. Not really the why me - but it is - could it be something else and your whole world starts spinning. I say those safety nets need to start being extended, and when asked of how to help, I say, all of us need to extend our safety nets to everyone in our circle. For those that are in the "club" even more so. We are never "done" with this nasty thing called cancer, be we really are those warriors, ready to battle a another day.

I need to write an essay for a scholarship, I don't even know where to start. Then, at some point I do wonder about taking advantage of the cancer. Goodness, that is a hard one for sure.

I really don't have too much to write about tonight as I am just pooped. Days for me are pretty long, especially on the weekends. Finally at 9p.m. I can wind down, yet, think that I can get something done.

So, here is just a funny before I sign off. Our life is in increments of oil changes. Here is what I think, I just had an oil change on my car the other day. The date came back on my next oil change is due 5/31/09. When that date hits, I'll be done with classes, getting closer to the fall semester, done with a huge chunk of worry, and yet, the next oil change, 3 months later, what will that bring. The end of summer, Lilli going to Pre-K. Goodness. Life is about oil changes.

Peace be with you.

School, boobs and stuff

So, I am taking classes this spring and one of them is online.  It is in an area which really interests me - web 2.0 and education.  Part of one of the assignments is to do a blog or invite the class to a blog that I am doing.  I go back and forth.  I guess I could invite them here....it is in open web 2.0 space....and alert them "crazy chick going through cancer and may say things not appropriate for viewers!".  

OK, enough of that.  Actually - just a comment.  I have found that I have not taken the time to stop and smell the roses.  Not sure if it is just me, but I want to do more - push the limit.  Which is not good for the ol immune system.

Here are my recent thoughts - someone was told that they have breast cancer today.  Someone was told that they will die soon, someone was told that they will live.  What is life?  I got my one boob squeezed today.  It was my 6 month check up.  The gal who did the mammogram started with "I noticed that Dr. Smith only ordered a mammogram for the right boob...and I think it is important to look at them both."  My emotions were between anger and fear.  I am glad she could not see the thought bubble on top of my head.  "Hey chicky poo - I don't have a left boob and you not getting close to it...don't you read the charts...." then, her only comment was that they were going to a "paperless" system and there was no indication of a TRAM on the left side.  Foolish I say - look at my frickin' folder - it is an inch tall!!!!  And so it goes, another day of just the smallest thing that just should not happen.  If it is happening to me, it is happening to others.  And on another note, going and getting a mammogram done is just plain scary at this point, I am ready to say take it off please!!!!

One of my cousins has concerns after a mammogram.  She mentioned, isn't funny after all of these years it take our boobs to get us communicating.  She also went thru some infertility stuff and see, I bet that is connected.  All of the drugs, hormones etc. pumped into our system.

I think it is finally time for me to get my hair trimmed.  It is looking a little funny in the back.  As quick as I am to say I am going to grow it longer, I like the short funky style - as long as I don't look like a boy.  

Enough for today - maybe more sooner than later.

Peace be with you.